"What colour?" asked the lady at the chocolate shop (I was buying some treats to go along with the gift cards I had gotten the kids' teachers, and she wanted to know what colour ribbon she should tie the little boxes with).
When I hesitated, she helpfully offered, "male, or female?" as though a particular gender "owns" any particular colour scheme.
The best part was when I challenged her by asking nonchalantly whether we were really still asking those sorts of questions in 2017, she responded completely unfazed with, "well, I just wouldn't want to put like a pink ribbon if it were for a boy, you know?"
I didn't bother to tell her that one of my boys regularly wears pink yoga pants.
"Deviant Behaviour"
Someone I work with was telling me last fall about their experiences in the middle east, and about how "deviant behaviour" (they were referring to anyone who loves someone of the same sex as themselves) was looked down on.
Although my colleague is not violently homophobic, and tries hard to say the "right" things, they are blissfully ignorant of their heteronormativity, and of the general annoyance (at best) and internal pain (at worst) caused by some of their comments.
Recently, another colleague -- who also identifies as LGBTQ+ -- and I were debating the merits of "tolerance". I don't want to be tolerated, I explained, because someone thinks they're "supposed" to be "okay" with who I am because some law says so, but really they think there is a problem with the fact that I am gay. Rather, I want to be accepted as I accept others, the same as any straight person is accepted, because I'm a human being same as they are, with human rights same as they have.
When I hesitated, she helpfully offered, "male, or female?" as though a particular gender "owns" any particular colour scheme.
The best part was when I challenged her by asking nonchalantly whether we were really still asking those sorts of questions in 2017, she responded completely unfazed with, "well, I just wouldn't want to put like a pink ribbon if it were for a boy, you know?"
I didn't bother to tell her that one of my boys regularly wears pink yoga pants.
"Deviant Behaviour"
Someone I work with was telling me last fall about their experiences in the middle east, and about how "deviant behaviour" (they were referring to anyone who loves someone of the same sex as themselves) was looked down on.
Although my colleague is not violently homophobic, and tries hard to say the "right" things, they are blissfully ignorant of their heteronormativity, and of the general annoyance (at best) and internal pain (at worst) caused by some of their comments.
Recently, another colleague -- who also identifies as LGBTQ+ -- and I were debating the merits of "tolerance". I don't want to be tolerated, I explained, because someone thinks they're "supposed" to be "okay" with who I am because some law says so, but really they think there is a problem with the fact that I am gay. Rather, I want to be accepted as I accept others, the same as any straight person is accepted, because I'm a human being same as they are, with human rights same as they have.
My deviant family, one Friday night after solving a puzzle room :)
To be "tolerated" stinks of "deviant behaviour". And while my thoughts and actions as Vera may be deviant, who I love is not!
Aren't We There Yet?
A colleague of my partner's scoffed at me last December when -- tired of the small talk in the kitchen at the holiday party, and eager to forge richer conversational fodder -- I raised the issue of oppression in Canada.
We were discussing pay equity (men and women getting paid the same -- or not, as the case still often is, shockingly -- for similar jobs), and he was surprised that I would suggest such a thing is still an issue in Canada in 2017.
This white, male, straight, able-bodied colleague went on to suggest the usual "gender/racial/LGBTQ, etc. bias isn't really a thing anymore" line, that allegedly we'd solved all these problems, at least in Canada.
My partner tried to engage him in data-based conversation at work later in the week. She soon gave up. Like white people of privilege in response to last year's Black Lives Matter protest at Pride, he could not be convinced with facts and logic.
Aren't We There Yet?
A colleague of my partner's scoffed at me last December when -- tired of the small talk in the kitchen at the holiday party, and eager to forge richer conversational fodder -- I raised the issue of oppression in Canada.
We were discussing pay equity (men and women getting paid the same -- or not, as the case still often is, shockingly -- for similar jobs), and he was surprised that I would suggest such a thing is still an issue in Canada in 2017.
This white, male, straight, able-bodied colleague went on to suggest the usual "gender/racial/LGBTQ, etc. bias isn't really a thing anymore" line, that allegedly we'd solved all these problems, at least in Canada.
My partner tried to engage him in data-based conversation at work later in the week. She soon gave up. Like white people of privilege in response to last year's Black Lives Matter protest at Pride, he could not be convinced with facts and logic.
view from my balcony at sunset, which has considerably more depth than most people I speak with about equity
We're into July now, and I've been meaning to write a post about Pride Month all through June. But every time I sat down to write, I just get so darned tired of how far we still have to go... despite how far we've come.
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