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Parenting in a civilized manner

12/7/2014

1 Comment

 
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While it's true that I miss my kids when they are at their dad's, I will also confess that I enjoy the time to myself.  

This weekend, I slept in, did some yoga, biked to get groceries without someone wailing in the back about how cold it was or how their bike wasn't working properly or how their helmet was itchy....  I met a friend for dinner and didn't rush home to release a babysitter, I got a haircut, watched a silent movie with two other friends the next day, and ate a whole container of popcorn myself without having to share.... I answered 7 of the 103 emails still in my in box, read various math articles and teacher blogs, wrote several blog posts myself, had two naps and skyped with my girlfriend in PEI -- twice!!!

I remember a divorced friend telling me years ago that shared custody and co-parenting was the way to go when it came to the kids.  Still unhappily married, closeted and constantly exhausted at the time, I thought he was being facetious. 

But now I have seen the light.

Although it's still super busy with a full-time (and then some) job, lunches to make, music practice to enforce and school homework to supervise on my own this year on weeknights when the kids are with me, I find that co-parenting in this fashion nevertheless forces me to focus on my children when they are with me... because I am more aware of how precious that time is, and I also know I will have 2-3 nights to myself later in the week to do some of the other things I need or want to do.

Picturereblogged from LifeCubbyforParents.com
So often I see stressed-out parents with half an ear and one eye on their kids, and 90% of their brain trying to juggle 17 other commitments and pursuits...  with no break ever from your kids, how can you possibly be a great  parent every minute of every day?

I'm sure I'm not the perfect parent, but I  know my parenting skills (not to mention my joy of parenting and appreciation of my kids) have drastically increased since I traded in the daily battle for part-time parenting.  


To be sure, not seeing my kids every day has meant giving up some control... over what they eat, what media they consume, what dinner table conversation topics they pursue, and where they shop for goods -- and for a control freak like me, that's been a hard pill to swallow.  But part time parenting has also meant that when I do see the kids, I'm refreshed and ready for the enriching conversations, the engaging questions and the many life-changing adventures I was often too tired to pursue with them when I was worn out by the everyday grind of former times.  

It also means that whichever household Alex and Simon are in, they always come home to a parent who has genuinely missed them and is really looking forward to seeing them again.  This works both ways; I notice that the boys are much more enthusiastic and genuine with their "Hey, Mom!" when I see them than they used to be when we were together every day all the time -- what a nice feeling to come home to!

In some sense, co-parenting is the perfect arrangement:  Lots of focused time for the kids, and regular intervals of adult-only time for each parent to pursue her/his own, other interests and commitments.  


There should be some way to emulate this parenting model for those unfortunate souls who are happily married!! ;-P

1 Comment
Carrol
12/29/2014 08:04:55 am

maybe turn this into an article and submit to parent magazine...

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    About Vera...

    Vera & her Sons, April 2021
    After writing for several teacher and multiple birth publications, including ETFO's Voice Magazine, Multiple Moments, and the Bulletwin, Vera turned her written attention to prolific blogging for some years, including BiB,  "Learn to Fly with Vera!"  and SMARTbansho .  Homeschooling 4 was her travel blog in Argentina.  She now spends more time on her Instagram (@schalgzeug_usw)  than her blog (pictures are worth a thousand words?!) 
    DISCLAIMER
    The views expressed on this blog are the views of the author, and do not necessarily represent the perspectives of her family members or the position of her employer on the the issues she blogs about.  These posts are intended to share resources, document family life, and encourage critical thought on a variety of subjects.  They are not intended to cause harm to any individual or member of any group. By reading this blog and viewing this site, you agree to not hold Vera liable for any harm done by views expressed in this blog.
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Vera C. Teschow, OCT, M.Ed., MOT
Toronto, ON & St Peter's Harbour, PE
www.verateschow.ca 2021
Photos used under Creative Commons from Sean MacEntee, Studio Paars, Bengt Nyman, zeevveez, GoodNCrazy, CJS*64, Accretion Disc, CharlesLam, Courtney Dirks, CJS*64 "Man with a camera", Accretion Disc, Bobolink, Ian Muttoo, BioDivLibrary, Alaskan Dude, IsabelleAcatauassu, runran, Transformer18, jglsongs, Create For Animal Rights, david_shankbone, Paul J Coles, foilman, Newport Geographic, Photo Everywhere, kevin dooley, Claudio , Alex Guibord, Tscherno, f_mafra, Terry Madeley, musee de l'horlogerie, BobMacInnes, wwarby, jonathangarcia, amboo who?, chimothy27, Elin B, cliff1066™, Grzegorz Łobiński, Rennett Stowe, Farhill, Phil Manker, Guitarfool5931, airguy1988, dierk schaefer, Rob Stemple, katerha, StockMonkeys.com, Ramotionblog, andrewk3715, charlywkarl, AJC1, rachel_titiriga